If there is one thing that the enemy has truly succeded in utilising as a weapon in rendering men impotent in family life and the world at large, it is SEX. Yes, that three letter word has become a snare used to entrap countless men and ruin God’s plans for their lives. All through history, we have seen sex determine the destiny of nations. We have seen sex lead to wars and reduce mighty men to mere mice. Dealing with sexual immorality in one’s life therefore becomes a matter of grave concern because one never knows when its consequences will rear their ugly heads. If left unattended to, untamed sexual appetites become the stench that refuse to go away.
As humans, we are wired by God to enjoy sex. However, for our own good, He commands us to limit our sexual activities to the safe confines of marriage. The enemy knows how much we enoy sex and he will do everything possible to ensure we disobey God in this area so we become vulnerable to hurts and issues.
Ignoring an unhealthy sexual appetite and hoping that marriage will become a magic pill that will cure the problem is a major issue. Sex outside of marriage gives rise to a host of other sinful habits in an individual. Take a hypothetical young single lady for example. She’s dating a young man with an unhealthy appetite for sex. He begins pressurising her to fornicate with him. At first her resolve is firm but each time she goes closer to the edge of her self-imposed boundaries. Whenever she gets home from a date, her parents ask how the date was and she simply replies ‘it was fine’, forgetting to inform them of her long passionate kisses and physical fondling with her boyfriend. The attitude of lying is born in her heart. With more and more lies, she becomes less remorseful about her dishonesty and her integrity is up in smokes. Years later she is married to this guy but the ‘thrill’ that comes with sexual immorality isn’t there because it is now officially allowed in the marriage context. Her man is now deceived into thinking he is no longer in love with her simply because that unhealthy appetite he developed in the early years are no longer being fed. So what next? He may turn to pornography in order to satisfy his appetite. Worse still, he may take this further and have an affair because he gets that thrill when he meets up with another woman. Remember that lying and lacking integrity were developed into his character from earlier on so an affair is not that far-fetched.
Sooner or later, he either asks for a divorce because he is now wrongly associating unhealthy sexual feelings with love or he confesses to his wife and wants to save his marriage. It may ruin his image in society, the respect of his children, his career, his health and so on. The consequences are far reaching and if you want some recent big name examples of men that have fallen victim to this then look no further than Tiger Woods, Arnold Schwarzenegger and IMF head Dominique Strauss-Kahn. These are three men who were destined for great things but the the stench that refuses to go away has finally caught up with them because they refused to deal with sexual sin earlier on in their lives.
If you are caught up in such activities right now then I hope you will realise it is never too late to start doing the right thing. You can’t hide a foul smell forever. Sooner or later it will be exposed. God can set you free if you allow Him. Flee from sexual immorality and reach your full potential as a person. See it for what it is. A trap designed to bring you down.
It's all over
God bless you for this write-up. This is a message for today, so needful for everyone. The devil is on the rampage, determined to destroy as many homes as possible and to numb people to the sin of inordinate affections. God bless you real good.
Thanks MoH. This is such a topical issue at the moment and one that the devil is using to rob men of their God-given destinies. It’s so sad to see what’s happening but thank God we are victorious in Christ. Thanks again.
Thank you for this. It’s high time we men started to talk about these issues. Sex is one of the devil’s main baits for destroying destinies. If it were just a matter of pleasure, it would not be an issue. Sadly, it can become a stench that never goes away. As God-ordained guardians and protectors, we men have a lot to do with arresting the plague. Thank God that there is help and there is hope. The ball is in our court.
The ball truly is in our court Tolu. With God, there is always hope for us to rise up and replace this ugly stench with the pleasant fragrant a Christ. Sex is a terrible weapon in the wrong hands. Thanks again Tolu.
I just feel the need to enter this conversation again and I know I am taking a risk here as is my nature.
I think our problems as men starts with lusting after something we should not have. This has the same root as covetousness. You can see a good thing belonging to someone else and not covet it. You can appreciate it and not covet it. David saw a beautiful woman and lusted after her. The conditions were right for the adultery but he did not have to regress into lust.
Let’s face it. There are beautiful women – internally and externally – and as men, it is hard to ignore it. I think we can appreciate beauty in any form that it is presented to our senses without desiring it. We walk a tight rope. Appreciation can become lust and it does not have to. i know some will say not to recognize or appreciate beauty but I was not wired that way. I was wired to appreciate even beautiful cars. I can tell someone, you have a nice car and not want to steal it. I know sex is different but could it be the same principle? Hey, that body may be pleasing to your eye but it does not belong to you! How about just praising God for His beautiful creation and moving on. Lol.
To make matters even ‘worse’, Jesus Christ’s standard of fornication or adultery is much higher than ours. It is when we commit the act in our thoughts hidden from all but God. That would mean there would be many people who need to be forgiven daily maybe more often. What becomes a Tiger Woods situation is only after the fact. There are probably many that occur internally which God in His mercies prevents from seeing the light of day, to prevent societal breakdown. But they are no less evil in God’s eyes. How can we appreciate without coveting, desiring and lusting after, remembering that lust only becomes illicit sex after the fact? Is it impossible to appreciate and not lust after?
I hope you don’t mind my long comment/musing. You started a very hot topic.
I’m loving this Tolu! I’m all about discussions and iron sharpening iron. This is clearly a topic you’re passionate about. I agree with your views on this issue. You’re especially right in observing that it would be hypocritical to pretend like there aren’t beautiful women in the world around us. That is a bit naive really. Like you said, one can admire God’s work and stop right there without progressing to sexually immoral or sinful thoughts.
The bible says that the heart of man is desperately wicked and so we must be careful and walk circumspectly in this matter. For me personally, I try to walk in the Spirit so I don’t fulfil the lust of my flesh with my eyes. Practically speaking, I pay close attention to my thought life especially when I see a lot of attractive women. If like Jesus says, my heart is starting to wander in the wrong direction, I ask for help from above to stop those thoughts. If need be, I crucify my flesh and strengthen my spirit through regular periods of fasting.
I think it is possible to appreciate without lusting but it is a path that we all should tread very carefully on because it takes a lot of discernment and maturity to gauge correctly. It’s a very thin line.
Some people advocate Job’s method of making a covenant with their eyes. Personally, that didn’t work for me because the more I tried not to look, the more my flesh wanted to look. True and lasting change only comes for me when it’s an internal transformation by the Word and the Spirit and not an external modification.
The battlefield is in the mind at least in my personal experience and I find that killing the wrong thoughts at an early stage in the sin cycle goes a long way to ensuring victory. It takes divine help, alertness and a genuine desire. It also takes humility and honesty for a man to say: “I’m not yet 100% sure I can trust myself so I’d rather not look”.
Thanks again Tolu.
Yes I am passionate about it because I needed help in this area. I know i walk a very thin line, not just in this area but almost in every area of life. What becomes evil usually starts as good because evil is not creative. Evil is destructive, it needs something already existing, which gets twisted. Just as appreciation can very easily become lust, confidence can quickly become pride, in the absence of God’s Spirit.
But I think you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned walking in the spirit. According to scriptures, that is the only way not to fulfill fleshly lusts. You can cut off penises all you want, (seems an effective deterrent but i dont think so) men will still lust unless there is an internal circumcision. Remember, according to Jesus, adultery = looking at a woman lustfully, not the physical act.
This is what works for me: walk in the spirit and you WILL NOT fulfill the lusts of the flesh. Another way of saying it is, “if you do not walk in the spirit, you cannot help but fulfill the lusts of the flesh.” And I could not agree more with crucifying the flesh and bringing your thoughts into captivity when they start to wander, because it starts at the thought and it matures in the thoughts.
And seeing is different from looking. In today’s world, you almost do not have to look to see, unless you wear blinders (which one had better wear if their eyes cause them to sin). For the rest of us, there is urgency to do an internal work – walk in the spirit, guard your thoughts, crucify the flesh, stay in the Word, etc.
This is warfare and some of my recent posts like art of war, art of self defeat, entrapment, etc, deal with issues like this.
God bless you for this. I will stop here.
Thank you bro! This is a very real challenge to most red-blooded males out there. You made a profound observation in saying that we do not have to look to see in today’s world. The warfare is really intensifying as the age draws to a close in a sense. The world system controlled by the god of this world or the prince of the air as the bible refers to him, is designed to act as bait for our flesh. Like you pointed out, we are flooded with images all through the day and our flesh desires it. It’s our new nature that desires to walk in the Spirit and that battle ensues as described in Galatians. You hit the nail on the head by saying if we do not walk in the Spirit then we almost invariably have no other choice but to walk in the flesh. You seem to have a deep insight into these matters and they really interest me so I’ll be checking your articles out on your blog. Thanks again Tolu.
Just wanted to say I recently came across this post and I thank God I took the time to read the spirit led exchange between yourself and Tolulope. What an intimate and insightful portrayal of what men think about this topic. I pray that many more open forums and debates will kickstart the domino effect of breaking down the lies and false promises that the devil has worked very hard to sell to all of us, particularly in this generation. If it isn’t sex or materialism or celeb worship or addictions or whatever else we have trending at the moment, the warfare is ON and very heated. As you both rightly commented, it is only by His grace and the counsel of the Holy Spirit that we are made aware of what truly is right from wrong and how to remain on the straight and narrow in light of all the chaos that consumerism and worldly pleasures offer us daily. Amen.
Thanks Adaora! I certainly enjoyed Tolulope’s contributions and I’d encourage you to check his blog out by clicking on his name. He’s an amazing writer.
The issue of the stench is one that I’m very passionate about. There’s the lie that men cannot help but cheat! That’s so untrue. Some say we were wired that way! Another load of nonsense in my opinion. We were wired to be like God. Has anyone demonstrated loyalty, fidelity and faithfulness towards a cheating Bride like Christ? No!! So why is society buying into satan’s lies? It’s sad to see that manhood is being reduced to an image of men who are really boys with a lack of self-control and a perversed view of their role in family and society at large. The warfare is on as you put it but we are in trouble when we don’t even know who our enemy is! The devil, the world and the flesh have conspired to cook up a stench that is stinking all the way to heaven and we must do all we can to neutralise that stench with the fragrance of Christ, the most manly man to walk this earth.
Like Adaora, I was thoroughly blessed by the exchange between you and Tolulope. But what motivated to leave a comment was your words: “We were wired to be like God.” That is an outstanding and profound statement which is a catalyst for deliverance from the mindset that it’s ‘ a man thing’. Once you buy the lie that men are wired that way, you buy a lifetime of destruction and living below God’s purpose for our lives. I pray more men and women see the truth.
Thank you again for the write-up.
Thanks MoH. Satan really hasn’t changed his strategy since the garden. Wrong believing is still leading many to wrong living. The lie that says ‘it’s a man thing’ is so played out but yet so effective in ensnaring many. I agree with your prayers and ask for more and more men to see the truth. God bless u.